Missing the Darkness

I find myself missing the darkness. Not the kind of darkness that can be stowed away by the flick of a switch, but the inner darkness of my knotted up mind. The days don’t repeat on loopty loops anymore. My comfort zone has expanded like a balloon, almost vanished. The veil between me and the world has dropped. My vision is crystal clear, almost too clear. No longer on auto pilot. I’m so aware of my actions and everything going on around me, situational awareness. I find it more tiring sometimes than not. So if I’m better now, why do I find myself missing the darkness? It was home for so long, now it’s gone. The darkness grew two legs and ran off, but at what speed cause I never saw it leave. All the sudden it was just gone, I thought I was cured. But there is no forever cure. There's only temporary.